Monday, November 5, 2012

The best way to kill yourself

(see latest comments)
Have you ever searched the internet to find the best way to kill yourself?
Well I have, and it is damn near impossible to find the answer.

It looks like I have found the one question the Internet is unable to answer. Yay! Hurray for me, now let's change that.

So why would I be searching for such a thing? I don't plan on ever killing myself, not even in the most dire of situations. Although I have not always felt like that(depression is a bitch). No, now I love the constant stream of surprises that life has to offer way too much to ever kill myself. And I know that no matter how bad things get, there is almost always a day that things will be better again. Well that's how it works with depressions anyway.

But there are a few exceptions to this state of mind.
And if you are reading this, you probably already know them.
There are some perfectly good reasons to off yourself out there and I think it is up to you to decide.

So why would I try to help you do something as stupid as this?
Quite frankly, I'm not doing this for you, I'm doing it for me.
I am just sick and tired of those stupid bastards that are doing it WRONG. These guys cause pain and suffering to other people whilst trying to end their own.

Why the hell would you jump in front of a train! Just think of the consequences! It's messy, quite possibly painful and you run the risk of surviving. Think of the people who's job it is to clean that shit up. And the driver! It is the stuff of nightmares. Stop this insanity now!
Also you make me late for my appointment. I hate that.

There are far better ways to kill yourself without giving anybody nightmares. All you need is a little imagination. Which you are probably lacking right now because you decided to kill yourself.

So I'll go ahead and assume you are looking for a way to kill yourself in a way that is not painful.
You want to die and not hurt anyone else. You want to off yourself quickly and without a chance of backing out at the last moment. Well fat chance. There is almost always a way to back out at the last moment and if you feel you might feel the need to, then you have not made up your mind yet and you should see a counselor. Also you are always going to hurt other people but the decent thing to do is to keep that to a minimum. So here are a few good ways to end it all.

Finding the answer yourself
Don't search the internet for the best way to kill yourself, you will only find people who are trying to stop you or people who attempt to be funny about it(and almost always fail to do so)
Answer: reverse the question.
Search for "safety" and you will find danger.
Search for "survival" and you will find dangerous situations where the chance of killing yourself is almost guaranteed.
There is another risk here though. Doing something crazy ass dangerous could be just the kick you need to find the will to live again. That's what happened to me (true story)
Look for "success stories" searching for "killed himself" and focusing on news sites gives a lot of results. Try to pick the least messy ones please.
Stupid American gun law...
Most suicides are gun related and thus messy so use Google translate to search in a different language then English, pick a country where guns are forbidden for best results.
A risk here is that you find many stories of family members who were traumatized. But you can use this information to prevent that as much as possible.
Take a day to write a good note to explain yourself and your decision. Even if you don't believe me, there are always people out there that like you and they will be hurt. Understanding will help them deal with it.

Finding the answer yourself is going to take way too long, I know, I have spent days on it. I tend to obsess over things. I can't stand the fact that the internet didn't have an answer to such a simple question.
So here are my conclusions. For the impatient readers, my personal favorite can be found at the bottom.

If you have decided to kill yourself you essentially have given yourself a free pass to be a daredevil, so be on the lookout for anything marked with warning labels. "Danger" will not be your middle name, it will be your last.

Dangerous situations
Finding dangerous situations that are not messy or hurt anyone else is very difficult unless you happen to already be a stuntman or can fool the psychological test it takes to become one, but then it takes too long anyway. By far the best one is to have a climbing "accident" on your own. But you need mountains in a near abandoned place. So perhaps you need some traveling money. Keep in mind that the longer it takes for someone to find your mangled body, the less messy it becomes. And pick a good spot for gods sake, nice and high and try to go head first. No, a High building will NOT do!

Dangerous places
Frozen bodies are quite clean. Also freezing to death seems to be quite painless. The Everest, the North,South pole are all very beautiful and dangerous places and a great final destination. They might be a bit hard to get to, so why not take a skiing trip. The risk of avalanches is mostly prevented by a special group of people who call themselves avalanche experts what they lack is time to prevent all of them. Have a chat with them to find out where you should definitely not go, then go there. Pick a spot that won't cover an entire village when it is triggered please, and do it at night or in the evening to prevent them from finding you if you survive the initial impact.
Could be really painful, so you could alternatively take off your clothes or get wet and sit in the snow in an abandoned place with a bottle of hard liquor. Alcohol might make you feel warm, but it actually speeds up the hypothermia and it takes the edge off the unpleasant shivering. You will feel drowsy after a bit and simply go to sleep.

Killer electronics
High voltage is quite painful, I know those warning signs are pretty, just don't do it if you can't stand the pain.
Forget about defibrillators, the ones you could get your hands on have too many safety features. Unless you are smart enough to rig one, this is not an option.
All I did was reverse safety regulations to come up with this.
It doesn't take high voltage to stop a heart. Regular mains current will do fine. The trick is to get the current to pass the right spot for long enough. So rig those breakers before you take the toaster for a bath.
Don't actually take the toaster for a bath though, the current flies everywhere and you have no control over the outcome.
For the best result you should be looking for something that is 375 Volts at a frequency of 60 Hertz alternating current. Hearts don't like 60 herz, 5000 Hz is even better, but hard to find. 60 and 5000 herz are sweet spots. Slightly more or less, no problem, but in between is a surefire way to fail.
Conveniently America has chosen 60 Hz for it's mains power.
A 5 second blast of at least 75 milliamps over your chest cavity should do the trick.
Arms conduct electricity quite nicely so take this opportunity with both hands and get a good grip on the situation. Better yet, tape the wires to your chest at the position where they usually place the paddles of the defibrillator and flip a switch. The result is a heart attack, if not, try again. Ask anyone who has had a heart attack about the pain. Most people describe it as moderate. As far as this particular current I have no idea how it feels. But I find the shock from the regular mains quite exhilarating so I might not be the best person to give advice on that.
The risk here is that you might also burn your house down when you connect yourself to the mains due to the rigged breakers. A practical tip is to do this standing up with wires that are just the right length so that when you fall down the connection is broken.
Remember, safety first. And in this case for other people naturally.
Electronics isn't very hard so you could take this one step further and build the ultimate death machine. Have a look at how electric power conversion works. You are looking for a flyback transformer. This could also provide you with a handy alibi if you want to make it look like an accident while reducing the risk of burning your house down.

Air in the wrong place
Commonly thought to be a good way to kill yourself is an air bubble in your bloodstream. Take a syringe and squirt some air in a vain in order to produce a heart attack. This is bullshit, don't do it. You need way more air then you think the chances of you surviving are way to high. The heart is a pump, for it to stop pumping almost half of it should be filled with air, and even then, sloshing due to falling might start the whole process back up again. Also air in the vanes and heart don't seem painless to me.

Sounds simple enough, just don't do the things you need to remain alive.
Going without food is not an option. It takes way too long and one of the symptoms is bad decision making. Although your hallucinations might make it a pleasurable experience after a while, keep in mind that Gandhi fasted for 21 days (TWICE!) and still didn't meet his maker.
Without water you can survive up to 5 days maximum. The worst symptoms come last and unless you like lethargy, irritability, vomiting and diarrhea, this is not the way to go. In an exceptional case a Japanese hiker survived for 27 days because he went into a hibernation like state. This just shows that your body will not be so eager to die as you might be. Deprivation does not work well enough.
Unless... it is air you deprive yourself of.

We need air, don't get any and it is all over within 5 minutes. If you have two hands you can choke yourself. The problem there is that you loose consciousness first, lose you grip, and then start breathing again. So you need something that holds on when you can't anymore. Luckily a hangman's noose was designed for exactly such a purpose and really easy to make. You don't actually have to hang yourself, perhaps you don't have anything to hang from, in that case just pull it tight or use a door nob. Friction will prevent the noose from loosening up quickly so there is no easy way back. This is a good way to die because there is no pain and you will experience one final orgasm before you go. If you want to fall from a couple of feet, you might break your neck, this is quicker. But judging the height and amount of rope can be tricky and painful if you fail. Also necks can be really sturdy.

Another way to do something similar but should really be called poisoning is taping a bag over your head. I saw that one in a movie, there seems to be some panic involved. All you need is a sturdy plastic bag and some duct tape. Put the bag over your head and tape it tight around your neck. You will not die of lack of oxygen but an overdose of carbon dioxide(the stuff you breathe out) At first you might experience some panic as your body struggles to keep alive. But after that you will gently go to sleep as the carbon dioxide relaxes you. The possibility of a slight headache should be the only pain involved.

Not really a sure way to die, but surely one of the most fun ones since it causes euphoria. This is the stuff that kills you if you stick your head in the oven, which is not something I recommend because you might blow up part of the neighborhood. It is very hard to turn the gas back off once you are dead. But most people don't realize that it also comes in handy portable suicide packages that people generally use to refill their gas lighters. The effects are:  euphoria, drowsiness, narcosis, asphyxia, cardiac arrhythmia, temporary memory loss and frostbite. Narcosis is the reason why might miss your target. It's hard to kill yourself if you are passed out. The jet of liquid is extremely cold when it comes out so don't go spraying this directly in your throat, that will kill you, but in a painful way. Use a bag or a plastic bottle with a hole cut into it to spray, then inhale to your heart's content. Use enough and you might get a heart attack. I'm not sure if the only cause of asphyxia is purely caused by spraying it directly in your throat, but hey, you are about to die, you might as well give it a try. And if you are euphoric enough you might not even mind.

To keep it simple we'll say that there are two types of drugs, sedatives and stimulants.
Most stimulant overdoses might produce something called stimulant psychosis which has as a symptom "thought disorder" which might make you change your mind or make you do something stupid that you were trying to prevent in the first place. Also seizures are not something to look forward to.
Although sedative overdose also messes with your thought process, you will probably not be able to move or do anything about it. Go for sedatives.

No doctor or pharmacist in their right mind will give you a possibly lethal dose to take home with you so you have to save it until you have at least two or three bottles.

Sleep medication may seem like the best drug to use especially in combination with alcohol, but make sure you take enough. An overdose will relax you to such extent that your just stop breathing. This is called respiratory center depression, respiratory depression or respiratory failure. You can use this to search for the best sleeping solution. 5% can lead to paradoxical reactions. Meaning that you might not fall asleep at all. It's gonna be a bitch if you are one of those, but you will probably die anyway.
I knew in the back of my mind that there are probably combinations of drugs out there that could be the best solution to this question but unfortunately I do not have a medical degree.
After the long time that this article has been up, I have finally come across a comment that shows great promise to actually be The Best Way to Kill Yourself using pills.

Easy way out  April 19, 2015 at 11:45 AM
The combination of a benzodiazepine and an opiate is a very easy way to go into respitory arrest and die like you are just falling asleep. Many doctors will even prescribe these two medicines at one sitting. Tell them you are having panic attacks and you have taken Xanax before and it has worked and then tell them you have terrible back aches and Vicodin or norco has helped you in the past. Then you have your cocktail. Take the month supply of both all at once. You will get a nice buzz, fall asleep, and go into respitory arrest while you are sleeping. If you want to take an extra step as a fail safe (in case you are found) also take a full bottle of extra strength Tylanol. Get these pills all together and then dispose of all the bottles before you take the pills. Even if you are found they will not know how to treat you, they will probably try to hit you with narcan which is given for opiate overdoses first, this may stop the respitory arrest but then the Tylanol will cause your liver to fail. This whole time you will be out. Better yet just get a motel room and take the aforementioned pills. The combination of opiates and benzodiazepines is one of the most common pharmaceutical deaths. It will work if you do not have a tolerance. If you do have a tolerance the opiate and benzodiazepine will simply put you to sleep while the Tylanol does the work. I suggest 75 Tylanol extra strength pills.

You know it's bad for your health to smoke it, but did you know nicotine is also a pesticide?
1 cigarette contains approximately 1mg, you need 30 to 60 milligrams(120 milligrams if you are a heavy smoker) so boil the packs of smokes for about an hour, take out the tobacco and keep boiling till most of the water has evaporated, the bitter tasting gooey substance is best taken with some coffee. But nicotine can also penetrate the skin easily so you could use it as an ointment. Alternatively you could stick all the nicotine patches of an entire pack on you at once. Now sit back and wait for any of the following, vomiting, nausea, diarrhea, headaches, fainting, difficulty breathing, pallor, sweating, palpitations, lisps, stomach pains/cramps/bloating, seizures, weakness, drooling, hypertension, stimulant psychosis and finally death. Scratch the coffee, make that a bottle of whiskey. If you are still alive after 4 hours, up the dosage. Didn't I tell you stimulants were a bad idea?

No way back from that one, but if you mess up with the dosage or pick the wrong one you are entering a world of pain. Really the only way to do it right is to do the homework.
There are many substances out there that are bad for you and will kill you. Almost anything can if you take enough of it. Even something as benign as water. The term we are looking for here is "Lethal dose 50" (LD 50) this amount will kill 50% of the test subjects. So you take twice that amount just to be sure. But that's the whole point. Even if you take 3 or 4 times that, there is always a chance that paramedics counter it or you just don't die from it. And almost all overdoses are slow painful deaths.
So do it in seclusion so those pesky medics can't get to you.
But there are a few exceptions.

The good poisons are generally well protected and regulated so they are difficult to get your hands on. Which makes this one of the hardest ways to kill yourself.

Botox yes, the preferred tool of beauty experts to prevent wrinkles. It actually is a severely watered down version of the most powerful toxin known to man called botulinum toxin. a mere 90–270 nanograms of botulinum toxin could be enough to kill an average 90-kg (200-lb) person, and four kg of the toxin, if evenly distributed, would be more than enough to kill the entire human population of the world.
That's how dangerous it is so there is no way you could get your hands on that right?
Well... there might be a way. It is a naturally occurring toxin produced by a bacteria that is commonly found in soil and water. It is the main reason why government agencies freak out when there are dead animals in the water in a hot season. The only thing this bacteria hates is oxygen and acid. I'm sure you can come up with a way to meet it and make friends with it. All it needs is a low oxygen environment that is nicely warm and moist. This little sucker's neurotoxin will paralyze your muscles and since the heart is a muscle and you need muscles to breathe... well you get the idea. This is painless but you might end up killing the one trying to give you mouth to mouth after you drank from your muddy water  collection.

Carbon monoxide(CO)
It's a gas, so make sure nobody else breathes it in. This is the evil cousin of carbon dioxide(CO2), the stuff you breathe out. It binds to the red blood cells so they can't take up oxygen anymore. So that means if you whiff up enough of it, there is no way to save you other then treatment with 100% oxygen within minutes. Carbon dioxide is produced when stuff burns, carbon monoxide is produced when stuff burns with very little oxygen.
You might get a light headache and feel sleepy, then you die. Nice side effect is that you will look all pink cheeked and healthy.
How do you get your hands on something so wonderful?
Anything that burns but not quite good enough. Faulty furnaces, heaters, wood-burning stoves propane fueled equipment. Point is, they have to be faulty, which in our case means plug the air inlet until it nearly stops working. Car exhaust is a popular one, might be a bit smelly and make sure you don't have a catalytic converter installed.
There is also a nice plastic solvent called Dichloromethane or methylene chloride which niftily produces CO right in your blood when you inhale its fumes. Also it makes you blind, but you don't care about that right? Sadly it is now banned in Europe.
Alternatively you could fill a pan with wood chips or any other dry organic matter, put it on the stove or a special burner, the hotter the more gas will be produced. The resulting gas from that is called Syngas which is a mixture of non-toxic hydrogen and our precious carbon monoxide. This stuff is extremely flammable so keep it away from the fire by using a good sealing lid with a hole and a hose attached.
[edit 2015-10-10]
Sean Peezy suggests to get a small grill. Get 5-10 pounds of charcoal. Let it burn outside your car for awhile until the charcoal is 'glowing'. Put it in your car with you, roll up windows, listen to some music and drink some beer. Look at pictures, write a note, you will be asleep within 5 mins and dead within 10. No pain. No shortness of breath. Maybe a headache or dizziness right before you fall asleep.
A good alternative to Carbon monoxide because it uses the same principle without the risk of burning anything down. If you do it well, it is not only deadly, it is also hilarious. You probably all know the effect of inhaling a good whiff of helium from one of those floating party balloons and you probably all have done so at one time in your life. Well what da ya know, it is also dangerous. Because if you breathe helium you are not breathing (enough) oxygen and the strange thing is that your body can't tell the difference so you have no idea that you are suffocating.
The best way to administer a lethal dose is to get yourself a helium canister and an oxygen face mask and connect the two.(I'm not entirely sure how)
Try not to speak or you will laugh your head off, which also sounds lethal but hasn't been proven to be effective yet.
[Edit 2015-10-10] Thanks for your comment Caleb, even though I knew Helium was dangerous for years, I did not include it in here because I'm an idiot sometimes.

Oh shit, I will get into so much trouble posting this and leaving the comments switched on. But I do it all for the good cause. Let me know if any of my tips fail, I know I don't have to count on success stories. I'm not stupid. Those will be determined by process of elimination.

Please remember to copy, duplicate and share this. I don't know how long it will remain here. I might even be doing something illegal here. I'll have to look into that.


  1. I found a group who will help me exit!
    I am hopeful!

    1. Sounds "great". Are you able share that information?

    2. No. It is just all B.S.
      Don't be jealous. It was a dead end.
      People with terminal illnesses. Looking at complicated exit plans. I am researching the most successful ways. Am alone, and I don't have any doctors backing me up in my attempt to get free.

  2. Why do you all mock those of us who are no worthy to be alive.

    1. I hope I am not mocking?
      Not worthy to be alive?
      Stuck being alive.
      Would prefer to be one of the grateful dead.
      My pee is horrifically stinky. I am having (kidney or ovary?) pains. Short of breath. Tired. I am praying to G-d for ovarian cancer.

  3. Why do you all mock those of us who are no worthy to be alive.

  4. I'm going to skip over all the "oh I want to kill myself" and "here are several thousand reasons" because it should be obvious enough seeing as I'm here.
    What I want to know is how exactly you would get the super crazy concentrated botox thing as that seems like the best way to go for me.

  5. I was hoping for better ways, I'll figure something out... I'm very sick I've had brain surgeries and have had heart attacks I suffer seizures weekly and am in so much pain I cannot get to the Drs cuz I can't drive, they took my kids because I'm sick, it's been six years since they been gone, so I'm just done, sooooo fn done, I'll figure it out if I don't die on my own which I figured would've already happend since "I'm just so lucky to even be alive" they say I'm a walking miracle well wtf, I'm done being sick I wanna die already....

  6. Thorazine and brandy is gonna be my attempt. Appreciate the info take care.

    1. How do you get Thorazine? Why is Thorazine and a brandy a good exit?

  7. Really._. sushi rox. That is not a good enough reason to die there will always be someone out there for you. As for me, I am 15 in high school and I have no friends because for some reason everyone hates me and all I am is kind and try to help people. I short for my age and people literally walk down the hall beside me and say," let's bully this kid", and then in the cafeteria people pick me up just to see how far they can throw me... literally. The adults either don't do anything, or laugh, or heck, sometimes they even join in. I have switched schools twice but they are all the same. No one other than my parents care about me... truly, they r the only ones that keep me here but, I'm starting to wonder if it's really enough...

    1. I have felt your pain panda. Luckily more and more people are taking this bullying thing serious, so they are willing to help, but they can't or wont tell you the solution unless they have some huge balls.

      Years of bullying will have a lasting effect on your life, but I think it can eventually be turned into something positive. I suggest you read this thing I just posted

      Life can be a truly wonderful place, but sometimes you have to get rid of a few assholes first ;-)

  8. Just jump .If you can overcome the fear .Its quick and reliable as long as you pick somewhere high enough.
    That's how I'm thinking of going .Handy hint pump your self full of benzodiazepines and codeine .Sit on the edge snd smoke something weed tobacco whatever.
    When you feel yourself going to sleep just lean into the fall.I think about it every day but I'm too chicken shit to commit.
    I have been abusing the pills recently. I have made meself sick and had chest pains and felt a little short of breath but it's too slow and makes you sick.I think if I just keep doing it with kinda non lethal but reasonable heavy doses my body might not wake up sooner or later.Going to sleep and never wake without knowing is the best way but it's not easy.So I figure Just jump while out of it .
    Happy suicide folks.See you all on the other side

  9. You are helping. You are down here wallowing in the sh* t with me. In my heart, I never had any hope or faith that anyone else could have been sh*t or and hated as much as me.
    But now I see.
    What has been done to me says nothing about me or my heart or my soul or me as a person.
    It only defines those who have tried to nullify me and failing badly, tried to destroy me. And they couldn't do any thing more than reduce me to a crippled, hobbled, disfigured, disfigured troll of a ruin. And I wobble on; on gimpy legs, a horror for them to behold.
    But they haven't killed me off yet.
    I still have these teeth. And their terror to feed on.

  10. Replies
    1. Are you asking me?
      Thank you for talking to me if you are!
      Not today. Today wasn't good.
      But today is over, and now there is tomorrow.
      I am glad this blog is here.
      To know there are other people like me helps. Everyone's comments and the articles- everything helps.

  11. No. Thank you for asking.
    I hope you are though.
    If I don't get up the nerve to kill myself, G-d is going to let them get me again.
    And they will do it as soon as they get me.
    And they will do it before they kill me. And they will break my bones before they spit, so it hurts more. And when I move, it will be torture. And so I will swear at G-d as I am being tortured and murdered; and go to hell for it.
    So this is why I want to kill myself. So when they get me 2 - 4 more times (maybe more), I don't swear foully at G-d and get sent to hell for it.
    I have to NOT go to hell after this awful life.

    1. I wrote, " And they will break my bones before they do it" but autocorrect changed it.
      Auto correct doesn't know how mean these people are.
      If I lose my mind again, I will be able to die without swearing at G-d. Maybe my other personalities will recognize what is happening to our body and cope better.
      Why would G-d starting healing my mind, just to torture me some more? So I can fully wearing the shame and disgust of being stuck in this defiled, lothesome, disgusting body.
      Some people get a nice cancer. Ovarian cancer. Symptom free. Pain free. People take care of you and are nice to you as you die.
      I get to eat my own sh* t and vomit.
      Call the Rape hotline.
      They don't care.
      Post to the boards.
      My posts get deleted and I get a smarmy email.

  12. I love you, Henry Hackit.
    Those other places delete my posts because they are 'triggering' i.e. Some people can't bear reading my posts.
    Psych forums, rape forums, D.I.D. Forums.
    But you have texted me personally.
    None of the other 'medical professionals' on any other forum ever tried to contact next with me.
    It feels like I have a safe place to post, here.

    1. O gawd, people get "triggered" so easily these days. it's a crazy world with all this yadayada about what you can and can not say. I'm white so I can't say Nigger? I have always found that rather racist. But perhaps that's a little to logical for most people so I try to stay civil, but sometimes toes NEED to be stepped on.
      I'm not removing any posts, you can say whatever you want. Blogger on the other hand does have a few rules and it might get my blog deleted again. So do be a little cautious. Although I doubt they will delete my blog for something someone says in the comments.

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    1. Don't you just wish we had a link to the afterlife?
      We could ask them all sorts of stuff we are all dying to know.
      Suicide centers, what a lovely idea.
      Who knows, with the population growth governments might actually decide one day that this is a good way for population control. Hey Big Brother are you listening?! Pay attention!

    2. This comment has been removed by the author.

  15. Fuck man, i had this well written comment and then my shitty browser suddenly decided to reload the page but to sum it up basically i wanted to let you know that you are doing a good thing with this page by giving people knowledge and advice about suicide instead of being like so many other websites that tell you that you shouldnt even consider it. I mean why should they not allow me to take my own life when im the one who has to live it? But seeing your page has actually made me want to hold off on suicide now that the option is not being withheld from me it gives me a better sense of control and resilience knowing i live because i choose to and i can choose not to. It may sound weird but you are freeing people and not doing a bad thing. You are providing knowledge and what people do with it is on them not you. Just remember that

    1. Thank you for seeing it that way, and your encouraging words. I do know that not everyone sees it that way and at times they make me doubt if I did the right thing. So thanks.
      Isn't it funny how people always want what other people say they can't have? That certainly was going through my head when I decided to write this. But more I can not say. I'd like to keep people doubting weather I'm trying to kill them or save them with this post. Either way is fine by me :)

    2. When I want to post something that is going to be quite lengthy, I use a text editor to write it and then when I'm done I go back to the page to copy and paste. It is the safest option you have.
      But yeah, sometimes things get out of hand and Even I get F-ed by the website that I'm trying to post it.
      Don't blame it on your browser tho. That poor thing is just doing what the website says it should do. Usually it is a login timeout when you hit the post button on a poorly designed website.

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  17. I still think they are trying to kill me. They are blamin it on psychosis but im not fucking psycho. No one will believe me anyways though so oh well.

    I s

  18. Do You Know???I have been posting to forums all night. Trying to get a connection or deterant to suicide, or a simple friend to talk to. They are phonies! Fakes! Even the hoity-toity psychiatrists' forums Do Not G.A.S.!!!
    You are the only one who has EVER texted back to me!!

    1. Dang, that's sick. I did not expect that. I really believed there would be some help online if you searched for it. Well, you posted all night. Perhaps they haven't gotten around to answering yet? (I hope)

  19. I have 21mg of lorqzapam 48mg of diazapam is this anywhere near enough? attempt fails it just makes makes this life even harder to escape from

  20. I have 21mg of lorqzapam 48mg of diazapam is this anywhere near enough? attempt fails it just makes makes this life even harder to escape from

    1. well, I'm not a medical doctor and you know my thoughts on pills if you have read this article. I'd look for a better way.

  21. Pills suck huh? Do they make you barf?

    1. Exactly, your body knows it's being poisoned and is going to try to get rid of it. I don't know if you have ever had a severe alcohol poisoning, but I have, and it is disturbingly unpleasant to say the least.
      And if they find you soon enough, they will just look around for empty bottles, pump your stomach and give you whatever antidote they can come up with.
      So always hide the bottles.
      There does seem to be a combination of pills that might actually work, and I have mentioned them.
      I received that from a person in the comments who sounded like he had a medical degree, but he never contacted me back so I can't say for sure.
      I have included his comment in the article.

      So pills is a no no, unless you try the benzodiazepine and opiate combination.
      But if you do try this combination, please let us know how much of each you take on this blog before you do.

  22. Im just about to slit my wrist in the tub with some weed alcohol and music. Sounds like the way way to leave this shitty ass world and fucked up cards ive been dealt.

  23. I know you deleted my comments about what I am afraid of will happen to me. I won't write it again but wish I could have a safe decent death.
    Very worried these things will happen in the next month or two. Am pretty sure they will.

    1. Wait, what? I deleted comments? No lily, I don't delete comments.
      In the entire history of this blog I have deleted 2 comments(excluding my own). And that's just because they were horribly off topic.
      I mean, I do have an article about suicide, but that doesn't mean you can post your suicide related comments on any page you like. That is what this page is for.

      Please don't go accusing me of such things. Feel free to share your thoughts.

      But keep in mind that I do have to play by the rules of blogger/ or the entire blog is in danger of being deleted.

      If you are sure you posted a comment that is now gone, please give me some details about it like literal quotes or a post date, or something so I can try to find out if something strange happened.

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  25. I hate my life, I just want to end it all.... I fucked up my whole life and nothing will ever go right.. so what's the point in living... at least I know no one will miss me :) my cruel world will end.. I don't want a funeral.. I want to be burned and thrown in the trash.. that's my last wish.

  26. Thanks for keeping this blog up. And for the 'cover' of the old outdated seeming posts.
    It gave me a place to desperately post. To unload my guts somewhere I thought no one would read. And I have all of my horrific memory back now.
    These things they have done to me all of my life. And I was suicidal- I bought the pills! And I was angry, I raged and self abused. And I cried and begged G-d to give me cancer. But G-d is an a**hole, he could give a sh*t.
    So I am still here.
    F*ck you all.
    I hate you all. But I am still here.

    1. the "Cover" is just an terrible comment system that puts the oldest comments on the top in combination with an terrible paging system that is hidden. And there is nothing I can do about it. I blame Blogger where ever I can for that.
      Fuck you too sweety.
      Have you ever considered that there is no deity? and that life is all just one big cosmic joke, and that we 're the butt of it? well, that's how I think of it. It kind of free's me up so I can do whatever the heck I want And I have no one to blame but myself and other people.

  27. I've had this website bookmarked on my phone forever and it fuckin sustains me. The options are fantastic (also, quick personal accounts on the topic - if ur gonna try to OD on Effexor get some benzos to knock ya out first or you'll throw it up before it goes into effect, and also inhaling butane is incredible and unfortunately I survived because I went unconscious before inhaling enough so don't make my mistakes) and it's nice knowing suicidal ideation exists outside of my mind. I've got this brain cyst and I haven't slept a full night in a couple months now and I'm going insane but I hide it, I have casual sex with college boys and pretend to feel something when it's just another drug or way to feel something, I can't stop shaking, I'm young and I've given so much away already, there's nothing left. I think it's time for me to try to leave again, but I've survived my two past attempts - butane, jumped off a bridge and unfortely just landed in a bush and lived, took enough Effexor to kill 4 men and literally just threw up a ton of blood and was fine except I have permanent stomach pain now. What do you reccomend as an effective technique? I know that my roommate has a gun, the thing is it's a shotgun and I have no idea how to even begin with a gun. anyways great blog mate

    1. Thank you.
      I have said it before and will keep repeating that I have no faith at all in the effectiveness of any other pill combo except maybe the one that I have mentioned from one commenter. If you are going to try anyway, please leave a note with the exact combo and quantity right before. So I know it might have worked if I don't hear from you again.
      Thanks for sharing your experience with butane. I still think it is a good option, especially since I have seen some youtube movie with some experiments with the stuff. It turns out that you can just empty out the butane canister and it will stay liquid for a while. So you could empty it out in something like a bowl or pan and just inhale at your hearts content. Make sure that when you loose consciousness you fall face first into the bowl(please try to make sure you wont be touching the liquid and freezing your face)

      Also the butane will completely evaporate, leaving just an empty bowl. People will be wondering what happened here. [chuckles]

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  29. Should I kill me? Or let them do it? Should I kill me with dignity and make it pain free mostly? Or wait for them to do those things four more times, and I'll lose my mind while they do them.
    But HEY-I'll lose my mind! That'll be great!
    Or should I kill me? And at least it will be from the hand of someone who loves me.
    I love me m. I have to be good to me, and kind.

  30. I got asthma time for the CO or helium
    My lungs won't last

  31. I have had a few suicidal plans, not thoughts because I have only (seriously) contemplated it 3 times in my life; all had one thing in common: I only see it as an option when I come up against a wall. More specifically, it's not out of pain or self-hatred (although many have and will disagree). It's simply the result that I don't (I feel there isn't, but that's probably untrue) see a way out of that situation. I require frequent medical treatment and a number of medications, I have lost all of my assets to pay for my treatment. I do not have any family other than my father - and at times - not even that. So I get into these situations where the help I need to just live my life, is missing. And since I need to take care of myself first (physically) - yet completely lack the means - I simply see no other (realistic) solution...except to terminate my existence. I have planned on using drugs like Ativan, but that's​ something I have access to only because I might be prescribed for a serious need. Therefore, if I fuck up and don't die. I am in an even WORSE position than when I started.

    In short, I believe that some combination of sedatives (not opioids as they're to unreliable and not that great of sedatives - aside from reparatory depression), alcohol (and since I never drink, I hopefully won't need much), and asphyxiation using Carbon Monoxide [CO(g)] (I would prefer Nitrogen [N2(g)], but I wouldn't know how to reasonablely obtain enough of it). Believing car exhaust to be the most viable source of CO(g) for me, my plans have been to consume copius amounts of [Ethyl] Alcohol (Not Methanol nor [Iso]Propanol as the risk of deterious effects - such as permanent blindness - are not something I want to risk living with if I somehow don't die) and an idling car with the windows down inside a closed preferably locked (and isolated of possible - as I am not trying to make a statement, grab attention, nor give people undue grief) garage for a couple of hours before I get in. I will try and make sure I am extremely intoxicated once I get in the car (due to alcohols short half-life) and continue drinking - and if possible intake more sedatives (such as Lorazepam).

    That is my plan. And at this point I have reached a situation where suicide is the only practical and feasible step I believe I should take. I am not going to put myself through undue suffering while I work towards alternatives whilst I don't have means (or people) to live without physical (and eventually, mental) suffering. I can't afford to wait for/on others for the support I require - plus I don't believe it's anyone's responsibility - nor do I know anyone who would or even could (if they desired).

    Thw only fact that I don't like is that someone is going to find me dead - and it's gonna be (most likely) a traumatizing experience. Just know, for that I am sorry.

    1. I think it is a crying shame that just because you need expensive medication and medical treatment that you can't pay for that you come to the conclusion that it is best for everyone to just kill yourself.

      It is not your fault and you shouldn't be paying for it. It is the fault of the society that you are a part of. And I think that you should live/die fighting this injustice for everyone like you instead of giving in, or giving up.

      Seek out the mainstream media, youtube, twitter or whatever and shout your story out loud. And if you do kill yourself, make it a statement they can't ignore.

  32. I tride the care exhaust i done it wrong didnt work, and i took so many pills to try and knock myself out so i can die asleep, but it didnt work eaither. now im unstable mentaly and no one knows im containing it but im hurting so bad so bad i dont care if i go messy i wish i had a gun, i didnt choose to be born or alive so i have the right atleast to take my life because life is horrible, i will keep it short but here are my reason, I have problems ie learning difficulties, deppression, being socially orquered, having jobs where it has casued dammage to my back a 1 week long relashionship which wasnt realy a relashionship im 22 and thats the longest 1 i have had, yes i have a great family and good friends but they are all suffereing and the only thing keeping me alive is i know one day i will make money on the stock market to make there lives easy but at the end of the day i will never be happy and i know that to be fact because im mentaly challanged trying to fight my own mind everyday.

  33. I have been 'sexually assaulted' 6 times.
    On one day in Kansas City KS I ran from one rapist straight into the arms of another rapist! Who made me WASH in front of him before I left! So there would be NO EVIDENCE!
    And you know I didn't use the term 'Rape' , I use md 'Sexualky Assaulted' because it seems they prefer to tear my asshole open instead of the front part.
    ( So I do too now! LOL! I rape my ass until I bleed and hope to die from it. And what do the suicide blogs do about my posts? THEY DELETE THEM, because they are horrific and offend readers if their blog.
    The shit that has been done to me that makes me want to kill mysekf and do exactly what they did to me until I BLEED TO DEATH from my ass because of self hatred; 'OFFENDS THEM!'
    Did I sit there grinning and drooling in front of a handsome ob/gyn and eat my own sh*t because this is what they taught me to do? Eat your own shit' and vomit. You are worthless.
    It is a happy and wonderful comfort to completely lose your mind.
    What pisses me off is that those bastards won't even allow you to disassociate and go crazy.
    They want you to know what they did to you!
    They want to gloat!
    Their fondest wish-that makes their dicks hard is that YOU know what they did to you!
    And that you are a piece of shit that no one could ever love or want.
    They want to rub it in your face every day!

    1. Sorry in advance, I have no idea what sexual assault would be like dealing with.

      But probably I would not kill myself over it. I would make it my life's work to get revenge in the most horrible way possible at all cost.

  34. I wishI could be dead. It is the only thing, my only friend.
    Dogs get a decent dignified death.
    Am I not even as good as a dog?
    Please let me die, let me out of this horrible place!

  35. 'Eat your own shit and vomit because you are worthless and deserve this.'
    Any death is painful until you get through it to the end.
    But you see you suffer horrifically, but the pain timeline is finite.
    And then you are free.
    You get out of this body that makes you stupid, you know all of the reasons, you understand G-d loves us all and forgives everything. If he is G-d how could he not understand your pain in your life and your need to suicide?
    Of course there is a G-d. Of course he forgives you.
    I have 3 cyanide pills because I didn't trust humans to not rip me off at $500 per pill, and sell me baby powder instead of cyanide...
    What is wrong with America?
    The cyanide is packed in glass capsules. You bite into the glass capsules and break the glass. The poison enters your bloodstream through the cuts in your mouth from the glass.
    In 20 minutes you are dead.
    It may hurt. It probably hurts. All death hurts.
    So choose: live or die?
    I would like a little tea with my death.....
    In other words grant me some decency or dignity in my death.
    Is this not what you would wish for your great-grandmas and granddads?

  36. You People don't love me at all!!!
    I have cut open my belly and offered you my warm liver to eat for your entertainment...
    But it is not good enough for you.
    Not esthetically pleasing for you?

  37. Wow the last thing I'm reading is from 2014, funny I can't believe how many other people want out. To the girl at the beginning of this "hannica" tons of guys are telling u your beautiful don't do it. I agree your a white girl, your life can't b that bad. Talk to me when your a black chick, no one would ever tell me what people are telling u. You actually have value in this world as a female. I hope you realized who you are and u decided to stay. I'll trade lives with u any day. U can get like a cop, fireman husband and live in a nice house in a nice neighborhood and have kids that make the honor roll at school.the sky's the limit for u. Hang in there hon.Me I'm thinking pills of some sort, after failing nursing school lets see if I'm smart enough to mix a nice cocktail for myself lol.

    1. Call Mossad. They are actively recruiting strong women. If you have enough knowledge how to kill could get a good job. Israelis are all different races. Lots of darker skins...and eyes....and lovely curly hair...and those muscles....and those sexy Israeli accents....

  38. I noticed that people who want to die have a lot to say. I don't care that much. My wife is dying of cancer and that's the only reason I stay around. Other than that I am dead inside. When she passes I just want to go home without causing my family any stress or leaving a mess to clean up. I don't even want a funeral.just cremate me and move on. Give all my money to the local Animal shelter. That is all

  39. I am studying the C.I.A. and Mossad techniques. Mossad is in need of Kidon unit women. Women good at poisons, if anyone here wants another use for their suicide talents.
    Anyway, don't want to make enemies.
    That high ranking judge who was found dead in his Texas hotel of the favorite techniques of their elite assassinatikn squads is to inject with a thin needle a paralyzingly agent, then smother with a pillow. Mess-free; especially if the victim is sleeping.
    I may have to hire me a specialist..

  40. Mossad is recruiting strong women ' of exceptional character. Mossad says 'we don't care what you have done in the past, we care about who you are'.

  41. I hate my life and I hate that I have bi polar disorder and alcoholism. My husband tells me to go kill myself when he gets mad and calls me a bitch. Everything is my fault. I ask for a hug and a kiss when he gets home and now all of a sudden I'm a controlling bitch. He spends all his time at home on his phone for 5 hours or more at a time. He doesn't look at me or talk to me and I think wow this is my life. I've lost 3 kids. Been married 3 times and now with an asshole who can't take five mins of his precious time to show I matter a fucks worth to him. Love is a lie. It's all bullshit in the beginning and then once they get comfortable with you is all downhill after that. It never stays like it was in the beginning. He doesn't even wanna fuck but maybe once every two weeks. Then he has the fucking balls to tell me to go kill myself. Part of killing myself would be just the pleasure of knowing I hurt him and made his own fucked up words backfire on him. I can't kill him nor do I want to. He should live a miserable fucking life knowing his first wife killed herself because he couldn't stop running his fucked off mouth. Everything I've been through with him and I think the only reason he is with me is to torchure me. My family could give a fuck less if I was dead. They don't even talk to me anymore. My kids don't know me and I don't think I'd have anything good to bring to them anyways. After reading all these comments for the whole night I've come to the conclusion that people only care about them selves. They could give a fuck less about anyone truly than them selves. Me included.
    I think if one were to choose to live then accepting that fact of life would be the first breakthrough. No one not one person places anyone else over their selves. So in my mind I have to stop expecting things from people, stop expecting them to do the right thing or treat me the right way because they have a whole different perception of what they think is right and what they thing is OK. People are selfish beings. Life is not a fucking Disney movie. Life is fucked up and the people in it are fucked up. So once you stop wishing for things to be better and see things for how they really are you may just want to off yourself but at least you'll understand that people are solely out for themselves and no one else will ever be above that. So when my husband is a piece of shit to me and ignores me for days and weeks at a time I can step back and look at him from the perspective that he is just another selfish human being that only gives a fuck about his ways. That helps me to see things in a better light.

  42. It was a noble deed. The only thing holding me back was fear. This was what I needed to encourage me. I've had 2 unsuccessful and very unorganized attempts before but this time and with this information I can be successful. I am not angry at the world or people. I have no hate in my heart. I am simply lonely and find no purpose in this life and do not wish to settle for mediocrity, yet I do not posses the required mental capacity and resilience to achieve greatness. I will go at peace with myself and no other person should have an opinion regarding my choice. For those with the blessed will to continue i wish you the best on your journey and wish blessings upon you and the heirs of the earth.

    1. If you got out of here, I am jealous!!

  43. Please don't go. Don't leave me in this awful place with these horrific people. Please stay and suffer in unity with me. So I know I'm not the only one living through these horrors.

  44. 05/05/2017: Im here with u Lily Lamb. I have been working at a county Morgue for nearly 15 years. I have seen it all. But one odd thing, is seeing all the suicides has made me understand that Tomorrow is a New day, and things always get better ( at least with mental pain). I have never felt more alive and glad to be so, since starting my job. The downside is that i am more afraid of being outside of the morgue with the living. But hey, dont sweat the small stuff, sooner or later death will take us all. It is natures way, be it natural, or unnaturally. Just hang in there everyone. Suicide is never the answer. John Doe

    1. I have a few days. They are going to break my teeth in my mouth, beat me break my bones, so when I move it will be excruciating, and do these things to me again before they kill me.
      I have tried to reach out and try to have normal sex, interpersonal relations, orgasms-maybe? But they have completely destroyed all of my self esteem. All I can do is run out of a room. I can't look anyone in the eye. I can't talk to people. I don't like me anymore. I should have taken the cyanide pills and had a decent death with some dignity.
      Because I have a few days. A few days.
      And they will trick/trap me. And begins again. And kill me this time. But break my teeth in my mouth first ('rich girl teeth'), and breK my bones, so when I move it's torture.
      You may have seen a lot, but I didn't want to be autopsied. I wanted the animals to chew on and scatter my bones in the woods. And eat my flesh. I wanted after I was dead to have no other human ever moment or have the right to see or touch or damage me again.
      I tried to find people who were maybe really good at sex, who could make me come.
      But I can't do it. Because I have no self esteem left to reach out to anyone with.
      I have nothing left.

  45. Everybody dies. All death hurts. It is just a matter of how long you want to stick around this sh*thole and suffer.
    I don't think it ever gets better.
    Those stupid spoiled people with happiness in their lives, and people who love them think life is great for everyone.
    They don't realize how horrific it is to live one day of our lives, or how one day stretches in 1,000 vampire lifetimes for us.

  46. It must really be great going through life lived and happy.
    Just don't ever forget; some of us would embrace the horrific death that you sneer at.
    We would embrace it, like you embrace cars, vacations, successes, children, grand children, and happiness.

  47. I'm glad u posted this
    I was feeling down now I'm kinda okay I guess
    I took the time to read this rather than take a blade to my wrist so thanks for wasting my time and putting a smile on my face buddy
    Glad ur blog was here
    Keep blogging this bullshit and people will read it and !maybe like me bwenifit from the time it wasted bahhh

  48. I'm so over everything ughhhh.... Feel free to send me some good vibe emails or hate IDC I can't believe I even searched this .. Pinkchronic @ thanks ...

  49. If you're still here email me please you might be able to help me. Michael zloughman1@gmailmcom

  50. I wonder if anyone here actually did it hmmmmmm I guess I'll never know

  51. Dear Unknown,
    I am glad you are still here too. I found some straggly reasons to stay. And then they all go away.
    It's a hard thing to go on day to day.
    These people are going to kill me. They have done terrible things to me over and I've. And when they trap/trick me again they will do these same things to me that add me lose my mind and split into many small personalities several times before. So I don't remember them or what they did to me, or that they are my enemies and not to be trusted.
    They are going to kill me. But do these horrific things again to me. I have a few days left at this point.
    I can kill myself and avoid the torture, or just let them kill me. I don't know how long they will keep me before they kill me.
    I want to try to have some good sexual experiences and orgasms before they kill me. They don't let me come. And I wanted to have some healthy interpersonal relationships with other people.
    But they gave so concerned need me that I am a repulsive disgusting P.O.S. and completely destroyed my self esteem that I cannot reach out in any level to other humans.
    I should have taken the cyanide pills.

  52. Terribly written. How many fucking paragraphs are you gonna repeat the same trash until you get to something good? Fucking get to the point. I wanna kill myself, not read a book.

  53. I givee up i put my everything into one person for her to string me along for a ride.. i was by her side when that guy beat her even though she strung me along while she was fucking him and the father to our son that.i wanted nothing more than for us just be a family again put everything a side as much as my heart was broken i wanted my son to have 2 parents there everyday in his life. I even rented a 600 dolllar car when she found out that he got her pregnant.. drove her 2 hours in a blizzard so her parents wouldnt judge her and she had to go that day or there was no chance of an abortion happening still im told i need to try harder and arent showimg her i care.. my family has scard me younger days drug abusive lead to my mother frauding me for money when i got away from.her thieving ways... i dont talk to my mom and my fathers a selfish man who only cares about himself my moms family.wouldnt to stay for work when i found a job when i was forced from my home my mother ignored me for months whenni asked to spend one night there so i could get to work my first day she cares about new boyfriend more tah her kids i went from son every day to weekends if im lucky and have a ride for him... all and all my lifes never going to stoo being like this ive tried to change it but somthing wants me to fail and after 20 years ive had enough..

  54. I givee up i put my everything into one person for her to string me along for a ride.. i was by her side when that guy beat her even though she strung me along while she was fucking him and the father to our son that.i wanted nothing more than for us just be a family again put everything a side as much as my heart was broken i wanted my son to have 2 parents there everyday in his life. I even rented a 600 dolllar car when she found out that he got her pregnant.. drove her 2 hours in a blizzard so her parents wouldnt judge her and she had to go that day or there was no chance of an abortion happening still im told i need to try harder and arent showimg her i care.. my family has scard me younger days drug abusive lead to my mother frauding me for money when i got away from.her thieving ways... i dont talk to my mom and my fathers a selfish man who only cares about himself my moms family.wouldnt to stay for work when i found a job when i was forced from my home my mother ignored me for months whenni asked to spend one night there so i could get to work my first day she cares about new boyfriend more tah her kids i went from son every day to weekends if im lucky and have a ride for him... all and all my lifes never going to stoo being like this ive tried to change it but somthing wants me to fail and after 20 years ive had enough..

  55. I hope you're still alive. I hope you found something worth living for. I hope I find something worth living for.

  56. I hope you find something worth living for. I hope your life starts to have happiness and good experiences in it.